As Brits, we’re forever saying ‘sorry’ – whether it’s for sneezing, squeezing past someone in a queue, or even when someone else bumps into us. But when it comes to apologising for the bigger stuff, we find ourselves at a loss. In Fact, research shows that two thirds (62 percent) of people really find it hard to apologise when they’ve hurt the feelings of a friend.
A new survey from Interflora, reveals that over half of us have fallen out with a pal for more than a year (53 percent), 28 percent remain completely estranged, and 15 percent still haven’t plucked up the courage to make amends.
Despite these challenges, over two thirds (69 percent) would actually like to make amends with a friend they’ve fallen out with.
That’s why this May, Interflora is encouraging us all to reach out and reconnect through Make Amends May – an initiative that makes it as easy as possible to rekindle meaningful connections.
To help break the ice and make that first move, Interflora has teamed up with illustrator and social media sensation Lucy Claire Dunbar – known for her heartfelt, relatable artwork that’s captured the internet’s attention time and again. She has created an exclusive “Make Amends” card that’s both beautiful and emotionally spot-on – designed to help say what’s often hard to put into words. The best part? The cards are completely free for the entire month of May, with postage costs covered, so there’s nothing stopping you from reaching out. Available on Interflora’s website, totally free of charge.
To help take the pressure off and guide people through the more emotional side of reconnecting, Life Coach and Author Michelle Elman shares her expert advice on how to take that brave first step and explains why reconnecting with a friend might not just mend the past but lay the foundation for a stronger future.
Actions speak louder than words: Saying sorry is a positive step in the right direction but actually demonstrating it by changed behaviour or a small gesture can really validate how they are feeling and that you understand why they were upset. Sending a thoughtful card, some flowers or even inviting a friend out for dinner can really help heal the rift that has occurred and give you both the opportunity of a fresh start. Going the extra mile to show that all is forgiven can be really healing for both sides and helps demonstrate that you are taking accountability.
Expect the awkward moments: When your friendship has ended and you are attempting to re-enter someone’s life, you might both be walking on eggshells in fear of the next fallout. In order to avoid the awkwardness of the missed years, you can reassure your friend by acknowledging it. Saying something like “I know you won’t know this but last year when we weren’t talking, I was actually dating someone”. Avoiding the mention of the time when you weren’t friends will just add to the friction in rebuilding a friendship and by calling it what it is, ironically makes the awkwardness disappear.
Apologising doesn’t mean losing an argument: We have learned there is a winner and a loser in an argument and the truth is, when a conversation goes south, you both end up losers but if you can heal, repair and come out with greater understanding of each other after, you both win! Apologising can be hard but saying you are sorry doesn’t mean that you are in the wrong. You can apologise for your part of it and it then opens the door for them to do the same! A perfect apology should include expressing regret (I’m sorry), taking accountability (I shouldn’t have…), stating your changed behaviour (next time I will…) and acknowledging their point of view (Is there anything I can do to help?). Your apology doesn’t need to be perfect but if it can involve at least a few of these elements, you will be on the right track
You want a new friendship, not your old one: If there has been a length of time since you were friends, you need to accept that your friend might be different and you need to give each other permission to change and not hold each other to the past versions of themselves. Ask rather than assume. Your old friendship broke down for a reason, so them being different and having changed is a positive sign but that means you need to recognise you are building a new friendship. Allow yourself to get to know the ‘new’ them! This is a great way of acknowledging your expectations moving forward and making a plan together of how you are both going to move forward differently so that you can both learn from the past when rebuilding!
Tell your friends you love them more: Reaching out when it’s been a while is scary enough, but to do so after a friendship explosion can feel almost impossible. Soften your initial message by telling them why you value their friendship. Get specific about what exactly you missed about them and let them know if you have been thinking about them while they have been absent in your life. Emphasise the positive aspects of your friendships and even include some of your favourite memories before suggesting to meet up and mend what you used to have because you believe it is worth preserving. Those small touch moments of connection can make such a difference to build a stronger bond and especially if you are going through a rough patch, can go the extra mile to make amends. A few seconds out of your day can make someone feel so loved!
You can find more of Michelle’s tips and guidance, as well as her hand-picked bouquet range on Interflora’s website as part of the ‘Make Amends May’ campaign.
